After working several months at a grocery store that was supposed to ājust keep me busy for a timeā while I looked for a better job and allowed me time to study digital marketing, I soon found myself in a dark place.
I was working at a grocery chain, making only the state minimum wage at the age of 29. I had no intention of keeping it more than three months, and intended to obtain a handful of digital marketing certifications and finish a course I had just purchased, all while working there. But depression, my ADHD-I, self-worth issues, hopelessness, loneliness, and anxietyā¦ all got in my way. I found myself dreading going to work. I dreaded this becoming my long term future. Just over a month in (is my best guess,) is when I started to get suicidal ideations. I knew I needed to change things, but nearly all of the things that would help seemed unreachable for me. I fought myself for weeks, as to whether I was being unreasonable about my situation, or was there really a valid reason to quit and go back to working some temp jobs, while I pieced things together more. Unfortunately, my self-esteem had suffered some hits from my job before. And now I just felt stuck in a crappy life, all over again. Just working dead end jobs, and just to make that āall mighty dollar.ā My soul was in rough shape, and I felt like I was losing my mind as the days passed. I started to experience a higher and more pressing suicidal ideation, while at work and at home. I wanted out so badly, and was so ashamed of where I was in my life that I was considering death over any other alternatives. I bought into a lot of the falsehoods that my depression spoke. And I just never seemed to be able to stay afloat long enough to get out.
I ended up being fired after working there for 7 months and having been switched twice to other job positions, then working as a cashier. I had a lot of mixed feelings about it. Glad that I could move on, but knew that I personally didnāt have anything to fall back on right away. I learned a lot about myself from that whole experience, but the majority only came to me years later. Such as, it takes a lot for me to find a job, and once I have it, I wonāt easily move on. Even if itās heavily wearing on my mental health. It kinda broke something inside of me, and it would take almost a year before I started working again.
Many other things happened after that, but the main thing was, I started taking my mental health level very seriously. I wasnāt going to allow for a paycheck, to destroy what I had been building up for years and years to have. I wasnāt going to allow myself to sink so deep ever again!
I told myself I wouldnāt drink alcohol the night before I go to the gym the following morning, mostly because thereās no way I could complete the workout if I was hungover. I got to the gym Tues, Thurs, Sun, so it keeps me sober at least 3 days out of the week and usually more (I have it down to drinking only 2 nights a week). So far Iāve stuck to my ādealā, which is way better than where I was a year ago (drinking every night). Nobody in my life knows I struggle with this (I think they either wouldnāt believe me because Iām āthe good oneā or would outright disown me because Iām so good at hiding it). Itās really hard, but I manage.
I follow 16:8 intermittent fasting. So my deal is I fast for 16 hours, and in return I can eat whatever I want within the 8 remaining hours. Iāve been able to keep my weight in check and it has actually helped me lose a couple of pounds.
Olio Cafe
After working several months at a grocery store that was supposed to ājust keep me busy for a timeā while I looked for a better job and allowed me time to study digital marketing, I soon found myself in a dark place.
I was working at a grocery chain, making only the state minimum wage at the age of 29. I had no intention of keeping it more than three months, and intended to obtain a handful of digital marketing certifications and finish a course I had just purchased, all while working there. But depression, my ADHD-I, self-worth issues, hopelessness, loneliness, and anxietyā¦ all got in my way. I found myself dreading going to work. I dreaded this becoming my long term future. Just over a month in (is my best guess,) is when I started to get suicidal ideations. I knew I needed to change things, but nearly all of the things that would help seemed unreachable for me. I fought myself for weeks, as to whether I was being unreasonable about my situation, or was there really a valid reason to quit and go back to working some temp jobs, while I pieced things together more. Unfortunately, my self-esteem had suffered some hits from my job before. And now I just felt stuck in a crappy life, all over again. Just working dead end jobs, and just to make that āall mighty dollar.ā My soul was in rough shape, and I felt like I was losing my mind as the days passed. I started to experience a higher and more pressing suicidal ideation, while at work and at home. I wanted out so badly, and was so ashamed of where I was in my life that I was considering death over any other alternatives. I bought into a lot of the falsehoods that my depression spoke. And I just never seemed to be able to stay afloat long enough to get out.
I ended up being fired after working there for 7 months and having been switched twice to other job positions, then working as a cashier. I had a lot of mixed feelings about it. Glad that I could move on, but knew that I personally didnāt have anything to fall back on right away. I learned a lot about myself from that whole experience, but the majority only came to me years later. Such as, it takes a lot for me to find a job, and once I have it, I wonāt easily move on. Even if itās heavily wearing on my mental health. It kinda broke something inside of me, and it would take almost a year before I started working again.
Many other things happened after that, but the main thing was, I started taking my mental health level very seriously. I wasnāt going to allow for a paycheck, to destroy what I had been building up for years and years to have. I wasnāt going to allow myself to sink so deep ever again!
I told myself I wouldnāt drink alcohol the night before I go to the gym the following morning, mostly because thereās no way I could complete the workout if I was hungover. I got to the gym Tues, Thurs, Sun, so it keeps me sober at least 3 days out of the week and usually more (I have it down to drinking only 2 nights a week). So far Iāve stuck to my ādealā, which is way better than where I was a year ago (drinking every night). Nobody in my life knows I struggle with this (I think they either wouldnāt believe me because Iām āthe good oneā or would outright disown me because Iām so good at hiding it). Itās really hard, but I manage.
Iām currently where you were a year ago. This gave me hope - thanks for sharing. Keep up the good work man, that shit has got to be hard.
I give myself a TV show Iām only allowed to watch on the treadmill.
Thatās a pretty sweet deal.
Got an OWI in 2002. Had to go to a class about how thatās bad. The āteacherā kept saying that most of us would be back. I took that personal.
Not me! 23 years and counting. Wonāt get behind the wheel after just one drink. Wonāt have one if I have to drive.
This is no easy feat in Wisconsinā¦
I follow 16:8 intermittent fasting. So my deal is I fast for 16 hours, and in return I can eat whatever I want within the 8 remaining hours. Iāve been able to keep my weight in check and it has actually helped me lose a couple of pounds.